A touch choice to make

Pisase is a 14 year old cat. She is my first pet and first cat. She's had arthritis in her front paws for the last 4 years and it has hampered her movements. Despite being less mobile, Pisase has been generally healthy. Yearly checkups showed a clean bill of health. She ate normally and in fact, often snuck to Ody's food bowl to lap up his chicken stock. Despite the food, she's been losing weight as elderly cats do but not drastically that it was cause for concern. 

This weekend however, we noticed that her food bowl seemed always full. It took a while but we realised that it was full because she was not eating. Not a bite. That really scared me. Some years back when she was diagnosed with arthritis, I was advised to euthanise her if she deteriorates. She shouldn't be suffering, and suffering manifests in a lack appetite and an even more prickly than normal temperament.  Trouble is, Pisase has always been prickly. She has terrorized everyone except Dan and I since the day we brought her home. Strangely, she's gotten less feisty since being diagnosed and I thought, "She's ok". 

Today, I find out that she is not ok. Worried about her lack of food intake, we took her to the vet and I discover how NOT ok she is. Pisase has kidney failure. She is slowly but surely, wasting away. 

We were given a tough choice - save her possibly for a few weeks more with treatment or end her suffering today.  I have to admit that I am selfish and I do not have the strength of character to say goodbye. Not without a fight, and not today.. I've opted to try for a chance that she may improve and start to eat a little over the next few days.  It has given me time to make hard decisions but it has also taken my friend of 14 years away from her safe haven - home. 

As I sit here and type, I am looking at her usual perch and wondering how she is now at the hospital. She would be confused and afraid, and worse, she's bereft of the company of those who love her. I hope it is only for a few days. I hope I can take her home soon. I can only hope.